This is my very first anonymous blog!
I’m an addictive writer, absolutely obsessed with it, and have, until now, always posted onto blogs on my myspace/facebook, so obviously everything I wrote had to be completely censored. I always had to write so cryptically that I felt like my words were being smothered in cotton wool – making them safe and inoffensive to any of my poor friends that stumbled across them.
There is no one who really knows the true extent of who I am. No one really knows who I’m talking about, or what they have done. No one really knows how I feel or what is going on inside my head. No one….except you!
So, here is some brief background info on me.
I am female, 21, in my final year at a good UK university (studying English Literature funnily enough!) When I am not at uni, I live with my Mum. My Dad died when I was 11 and I am an only child. I suffered from anorexia when I was 15, but managed to scare myself out of it before I got too ill. In the past year I have been severely bulimic and started self-harming and all that great kinda stuff. I have of course suffered from numerous extensive bouts of depression ranging from mediocre to extreme. I suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder – in other words I hate the way I look. It disgusts me and I have punished myself for it. There are some days I cannot be seen by people or walk out the door without a panic attack.
Sooooo that’s my mental illness summed up in a rather blunt paragraph. It manages to say more than all my years of censored writing.
I am also, addicted to men. I live my life by whichever man I am crazy about – and it changes pretty frequently. Despite my compulsive hatred of my appearance, I am generally deemed attractive and have little problem getting involved with guys. I do, however, only fancy the bad ones (who doesn’t!) and that combined with all my craziness and insecurity leads to a continuous stream of mess.
I always needed to find a real voice to speak about my fucked up shit. Finally, here it is.
I’m an addictive writer, absolutely obsessed with it, and have, until now, always posted onto blogs on my myspace/facebook, so obviously everything I wrote had to be completely censored. I always had to write so cryptically that I felt like my words were being smothered in cotton wool – making them safe and inoffensive to any of my poor friends that stumbled across them.
There is no one who really knows the true extent of who I am. No one really knows who I’m talking about, or what they have done. No one really knows how I feel or what is going on inside my head. No one….except you!
So, here is some brief background info on me.
I am female, 21, in my final year at a good UK university (studying English Literature funnily enough!) When I am not at uni, I live with my Mum. My Dad died when I was 11 and I am an only child. I suffered from anorexia when I was 15, but managed to scare myself out of it before I got too ill. In the past year I have been severely bulimic and started self-harming and all that great kinda stuff. I have of course suffered from numerous extensive bouts of depression ranging from mediocre to extreme. I suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder – in other words I hate the way I look. It disgusts me and I have punished myself for it. There are some days I cannot be seen by people or walk out the door without a panic attack.
Sooooo that’s my mental illness summed up in a rather blunt paragraph. It manages to say more than all my years of censored writing.
I am also, addicted to men. I live my life by whichever man I am crazy about – and it changes pretty frequently. Despite my compulsive hatred of my appearance, I am generally deemed attractive and have little problem getting involved with guys. I do, however, only fancy the bad ones (who doesn’t!) and that combined with all my craziness and insecurity leads to a continuous stream of mess.
I always needed to find a real voice to speak about my fucked up shit. Finally, here it is.
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Don't be anonymous, leave a name at least so I can identify you back :)