Skip to main content

Fragile

I have many regrets.I have many memories of which I am ashamed.I am flawed in the worst way possible: I am weak.
I am fragile.
I am not always completely there. I cannot blame anyone for hurting me because it is my weakness that left me open to feel pain.I am unstable. I cannot expect others to hold me up. I cannot blame anyone for letting me fall because I should be able to stand on my own two feet without them.
I am a girl with standard brown hair and brown eyes. My thighs are too big. My self-respect is too small.
I am an identity. I am. A fragile. Identity.
I am a hypocrite and easily prone to jealousy. I am always so jealous, because I am so insecure.I am broken and I am torn. I am stuck together with lies.
I have scars in neat rows and a head going round in circles.
Night is for nightmare. Day is for daydream. Ophelia is for someone else in the mirror. I hate the girl in the mirror.
I do not blame you for hurting me. I blame myself for wanting you to make it better.I blame myself for wanting you because I’m weak. I blame myself for being fragile.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Don't be anonymous, leave a name at least so I can identify you back :)

Popular posts from this blog

Fear

I do not burden myself on other people. I do not pick up my phone when I am crying my eyes out. I do not seek comfort. I do not ask for kindness. I cry on my own. I have done for years. Even when I was in a relationship, I never bothered him with it. And yet I lean on you. I come here to cry. I come here to find a shoulder. Because here, I can . I'm a wreck. I'm so petrified. I remember once, I must have been about 14, I was at school sitting, chatting to a friend during lunch, and she raised her arm suddenly and I flinched. I instinctively jerked away from her and raised my arm to cover my face. "Woah. Ophelia. Why did you flinch?" I laughed nervously. "I, er, I don't know, I, er, thought you were going to hit me." I don't flinch now. Strange, I still censor. I've blocked out pretty much all of my past. I've blocked out my childhood because it was so happy, and I've blocked out my teenage years because they were so dreadful. ...
8 comments
Read more

With all my everlasting love, Goodbye...

Well, I got the job. I spent the last three weeks living and breathing the company and the role, preparing myself completely for the onslaught of interviews. Every spare moment pouring over economics textbooks, business journals and newspapers, paperbacks and online resources. I did everything I could to get that job. I sat on the train on my journey home with my eyes closed and sent my thoughts up to the sky please let me get it, please, please I start in 4 weeks, straight after I finish at the school. Right back in the centre of the City of London. where I belong . where I can thrive, work hard and play hard back to my best whatever that best is I got the call to say I'd been offered the job in the middle of my therapy session. I was overjoyed. My therapist congratulated me. We talked about the incredible progress I had made. We talked about the end... We decided that my last session will be the week before I start my new job. The sun was shining outside, I felt invin...
21 comments
Read more

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead, I think I made you up inside my head

There are tears stinging the backs of my eyelids every time I shut my eyes to pause. This world is hurting me so much. The truth is, I'm living, I'm so very much alive, so fit, so healthy, at my peak... except I'm doing it for the spectres that haunt me and keep my blood running so cold. I am a living eating disorder. That's it. There's nothing else left in my head anymore. You know, I'd give anything, to update my facebook status to say really 'what's on my mind'. Don't you ever just want to scream at the top of your voice. "PLEASE HELP ME. Underneath this pretty blush and giddy personality I'm dying, I'm torturing myself, I'm killing myself. Please fucking help me." I've reached the stage where I can't eat anything without throwing it up. The only reason I'm not losing weight is because my initial intake is so much that I can't be getting even half the calories back up anymore. I'm 22 years old and my l...
19 comments
Read more