A Head Full of Beauty

07:30 on a Monday morning in The Square Mile. A girl wanders up and down the isles of a food store, nothing I can eat, nothing I can eat , as she wrings her hands, flustered, getting in the way of impatient men in suits I managed in the end. Three packets of microwave-in-the-bag mixed vegetables, three mini packets of cooked chicken breast and one packet of plain mixed nuts. I've decided I'm allowed plain nuts now after reading a few Paleo blogs - which also means fruit is back in the diet - hurray! (The Dukan Diet which I followed strictly a few months back was utterly depressing in it's lack of fruit). So, for all those who are interested here is the new plan of what Ophelia is eating and keeping down happily: All vegetables (except beans) All fruit (except dried fruits) Plain nuts and seeds (not peanuts) Chicken Fish and Seafood Skimmed milk - A diet which is my own personal hybrid of Paleo and Dukan, which is restrictive enough to have the right effects, but...

So I've been at school for nearly two weeks now. I eat three meals a day. Like a heroine addict gone cold turkey I sit there after dinner tense and twitching... food in my stomach, a full stomach, totalling up the calories in my head over and over, add on an extra 100 just in case... overestimating everything, still too much... it would have been so easy not to eat those potatoes, so easy to have eaten less, shit, shit, shit... ...it's ok, it's ok, normal people eat this, IT'S OK, don't you dare throw up, I must not throw up, I have not over-eaten, I have not even had 2000 calories yet, people eat 2000 calories!, I need this food, I am allowed this food, don't you dare throw up... And most times I manage it. And it's ok. Last Wednesday I bought a packet of dried fruit and a packet of fruit and nuts for my room. And after dinner I came back, ate the lot and threw everything up. And I felt calm and in control again. So now I'm not allowed any f...