A Head Full of Beauty

Sigh. I didn ’t step on the scales this morning. I know the figures would have gone up from eating so much yesterday and I couldn ’t bear seeing higher numbers. I’ ve been a bit of an emotional train wreck these last few days. Some sorta full on bipolar, manic depressive roller coaster . Screeching round tight corners between break-neck hyper joy and the slamming breaks of reflections in the mirror and screaming inner pain. My mum has been eating away at the remainder of my self-esteem with devastating effect, constantly finding fault with every single part of me. I received my degree results in the post when I got home from work on Tuesday night. I got a fucking 2:1. I was sooo relieved and thankful. My mum leaned over the staircase banister and looked blankly at me. ‘So you’re happy are you?’ she said bitterly. ‘Yes.’ ‘I expected a first. Honestly I expected a first. You always used to get the top grades.’ And that was it. Not a smile even. It didn ’t really affect me. I knew I was...

Sometimes, I feel like I have two friends: Ana and Mia. Ana and Mia are constantly fighting over me because they both want to be my best friend - but obviously, I can only be friends with one at a time. When I spend too much time with Ana, Mia comes along and pushes her aside, and no matter how much I try to go back to Ana, I still like Mia too much to leave her straight away. Well, I decided last year, that Mia was a possessive bitch who only wanted to be friends with me in order to destroy me. Ana is my guardian angel - she wants the best for me. But despite this, Mia is still always hanging around outside...knocking on the door, begging me to let her back in... (and no I'm not hallucinatory, I don't really think they are real people :p ) MIA = BINGE = PURGE = BINGE I'd say the biggest threat to perfection and thinness is the big BINGE - that trance-like state where you just eat... and everything you stand for is forgotten... I don't really get why people enjoy being ...