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Showing posts from August, 2010

The Hardest Post...

This is the hardest post I have ever had to write. I apologise if it's sporadic and raw. This is everything from the last two months. When I went away with Alex for a weekend on the 16th July and when we went away for the second time on the 13th August. How things became incredible. How things fell apart.

The writing in red is what I have written today - my input now - the writing in black is what I wrote on the date stated.

Written on 19th July 2010
The dream is not a dream.
It exists.
I tasted it. I lived it.
The happiness of my childhood is not dead. It lives around me – in other children, in other families.

I walked hand-in-hand with Alex through the gardens of Chatsworth House, listening to the laughter of children, watching old couples sitting on the wall eating huge cones of soft white ice cream. Seeing families all around me. Joy, happiness, laughter, innocence, contentment, fulfilment.
I was right all along.
I knew it. I knew it!
I had known all along what happiness was.…


A quick note... to tell you all that I am ok, alive.
And I am safe now.

You have to forgive me. Please, please forgive me for being away so long and then for posting such things.
There is no excuse.
I have notebooks filled with writing from the last month which needs to all be posted on here. I have no excuse. But I promise you, it will ALL be up before September.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am so sorry.


I love you all so much; I may not show it, I may have abandoned you for so long, but I will never, never stop loving you all.
And I thank God for all your beauty and strength. each and every one.

x x x
I have pills. And I am tired. exhausted. And I have had enough.
sleep and stay safe forever