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2017

I have wanted to come back for a little while. So much has happened since my last post. Work colleagues mostly, a trial run with a boy from an app. Arthur, Francis, Gregory, Vincent, Russell, Simon R. Shoes that didn't fit. There are pages about them of course, not here, but in notebooks and scribbles on my phone written on my tube commute. Some indifference, some annihilation, all part of my continual journey.

In February, I met Thomas, and the turn began. We began dating in April, I was labelled his girlfriend in August, and he is the kindest man I have ever let into my life.

I went to Bali in March. Like the healing of the Nile, the energy pulsed deep into my cells and blood and I have not let it go yet. The vibrations of the gong still echoing in my ears, the sunrise still glowing in my heart, the peace and tranquillity in the silent hum of those green fields... I came back with a deep, divine knowledge, that I treasure, every time I am close to forgetting.

And now, I am training to be a yoga teacher. The greatest tool I have in my armoury now, along with my running shoes on the London pavements.

I had given up on wanting a man and a relationship. I had found such peace. Unbelievable, that what they said was really true; you find it when you stop looking. I don't know if it will last. But really, that doesn't matter.

I am not recovered, but I am firmly in recovery. 2017 was the year I let go of the chains I have strangled myself with for uncountable years - half of it recorded on this blog. 2017 was the year I turned 30 - and I will never be going back.

Comments

  1. I have often thought about you in the years since your last post. So glad to see that you have found peace and happiness!

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