Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Praying for a survivor out there

If there is ANYONE out there who has recovered from an eating disorder...
And I mean COMPLETEY recovered, back to the pure, normal, natural way of eating and thinking that you were when you were first born...

PLEASE, I need you to reach out to me. And tell me it can be done. Because I simply cannot believe it otherwise.


  1. No my love, I cannot lie to you. But anything can be done. And I'm convinced you can do it, with the right help. And when you find that help, please send them my way. <3 thinking of you.

  2. Yes and No.
    It's been nine months since I last purged.
    Weeks since I last added up calories in my daily intake.
    A year since I last weighed myself voluntarily.
    1 month and 26 days since I last had sex with a stranger.
    It is possible. There is always, always hope. You've been to therapy, you know it's hard work and you gave up last time because you thought it was the stronger, braver choice to carry on punishing your body for your thoughts. I started by reading on addiction - I'm not an addict in a strict sense of the word but I think our behaviour is compulsive, irrational and controls absolutely every aspect of our life. I started out reading up on SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) which has a 12 step approach. The first resource they recommend you draw on is sobriety: a willingness to stop acting out our own personal bottom-line addictive behaviour on a daily basis. If you're not willing to change, you won't. It's as simple as that.
    Someone complimented me on how thin I was and asked me what my secret was the other night. A couple of years ago I would have said 600 calories a day and a lot of energetic sex. Now, it's because I don't binge, I don't fast and I don't diet. If we were strong willed enough, if we'd pursued anorexia absolutely, we'd both be dead by now. But we were strong willed enough to get our lowest weights which ARE achievements and even as someone in recovery I can appreciate my determination and self-control in starvation. But I now know I can channel those huge reserves of strength into changing my behaviour. I'm now on track to graduate with a first because I know how strong I am.
    I don't think it's weak to decide to change, to quit this way of life.
    I don't think relapse is inevitable either.
    I wish you all the best. No one deserves to punish their body like this. I really recommend having a look at AA or NA or SLAA websites for their perspective on recovery. I couldn't bear to look at the ED recovery websites - I just found them patronising and often really alienating.
    Much love xoxo

  3. Ophelia,

    I think Daisy put it very well: if you have the willpower to put your body through as much as you've had thus far, you definitely have what it takes to channel that willpower into recovering. You need to be more forgiving to yourself. I think recovery requires truly understanding and choosing a life that isn't controlled by these voices that tell you to place your appearance, physical beauty over every other aspect of your being. We'll most likely be more aware of what we eat, how we look, but we shouldn't let that dictate our lives to the point of overpowering it.

    I emailed you a year ago as a college sophomore. You send me a very kind email in response telling me to not give up on my own recovery. It's my turn to let you know that there's always hope. Everything is a matter of faith and attitude. Believe in yourself!


  4. i wouldn't count myself a completely fixed, but i'm a survivor for sure. from 15 i put up with this shit, i'm 21 now and things are finally OK.
    my last post http://ivegotnothinglefttolose.blogspot.com/2011/11/since-my-last-post-so-so-much-has.html
    read it, it might give you some sort of hope :)

  5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRJ17Qrff3U

    Check out this lady, she is tooootally over her anorexia and is going to get married in a couple of months. Get inspired! Watch her very first video and see her changing, it's incredible!

    I'm sure you'll get better soon. All you have to do is believe.

  6. DARLING. it can be done! I was anorexic as fuuck and shipped out to rehab at 98lbs down from 140lbs.
    it took shitloads of time but i'm so fucking happy and normal today and not fat.
    pleeease email or something. confessionschicka@gmail.com


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