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...good things come to those who wait

Funny, the way things work out.

I got sick of waiting for Josh to text me, so on Wednesday I tracked him down on facebook, added him, messaged him, and set up a date for next Friday.
Life is SO much simpler when the woman takes initiative.

Gareth - the hot 22 year old working in my department - is also one of my best friends at the bank, so obviously I'd been discussing the situation with Josh with him a great deal. On the few occasions when I'd been out in a bar or club together with Gareth and other work mates, the sexual tension been between us had been unbearable. However, considering the fact that he has a girlfriend and I also knew he was sleeping with a girl in another department of the bank, I stayed well enough alone. Since the time we were in Cargo a month ago though things had gotten more tense - he'd been keen to keep going out (with other work people too of course) and I'd kept pushing back for fear that the next time would be the time we overstepped the line.

On Friday we decided to go the gym for a workout together - normal enough, we'd worked out together before. We were joined by another of our friends Kevin and worked our way though a routine of weights, deadlifts and boxing before heading for a casual chicken protein dinner at Nando's. The banter of course with Gareth and Kevin is great, I get along with them really well. Jokes were flying around about Gareth and the girl he's sleeping with, and we laughed about the date I had set up for myself next week.

And then when I got home, Gareth and I started messaging - again, reasonably normal. Until he started saying "you can do much better than Josh"... and "you're a catch"... and "if only I were single"... and "basically telling you I fancy you"...
I didn't know how to respond until it got to the point where he was point blank asking me to respond. So I told him the truth: "At Cargo, all I wanted to do was kiss you."
He replied that he had felt the same. And then he hit me with something completely unexpected:

Well, unexpected, yes. Genuine? Apparently so, after speaking again today. It's not a bad situation in a way - Gareth and I are close work friends - to the extent that there's not much he doesn't know about me - he knows I've struggled with depression, he knows I have image and self-esteem issues. He's even seen me with the terrible rash on my face recently and still considers me attractive.
I mean - what's not great about that situation?

What's not great is the other girl at work he's been sleeping with. Although he claims that is over and he doesn't like her anymore, it doesn't change the fact that my colleagues and I have been bitching about him behind his back - and I definitely haven't been quiet about my disapproval. If Gareth and I were to start dating - and if it got to the point where it was serious and official - telling our other work friends would be both devastating and humiliating.

I've bitched about Gareth behind his back - A LOT. And here I am. Going to do this.
It's going to be another three weeks at least until he sees his girlfriend again to break up with her. I just have to hold off until then. And hope that this works out okay...

To be honest, I'm not really sure what I'm doing...


  1. I want to give you advice... and I assume since you put this story out there, you're searching for it, no? If not, please just go ahead an disregard this... I am not judging you and I'm not trying to offend - just protect.

    Oh and before I give my little spiel, I want to say that I am thrillllllled to be reading your blog again. You're an amazing writer and it feels like I have an old friend back. It's interesting to read how your life has changed since the last time you were posting publicly. Although, I was hoping if you returned one day it would be to say that you were in a really fabulous place with your eating issues and all of that, but at least you've been able to rid yourself of the toxic men that had been plaguing your life... Welcome back...

    As for Gareth... I have been in this position, honestly, I have. Even though Gareth could in the long run turn out to be a decent guy, I'm pretty sure you must already realize that he is not demonstrating good character and will therefore most likely be far from upstanding with you. He has a girlfriend. He is cheating on her. And now he wants to break up with her to get with you? I know it's flattering and oh so so so tempting, but please walk away from this. It's not for his benefit, it's for yours, that you would be saving yourself the trouble and heartache of dealing with a total asshat. I have been in such similar situations, TWICE (because once wasn't enough???) and it honestly wasn't worth it. I don't completely write people off if they're cheated, since I know life is complicated, but it sounds like this Gareth needs to figure out WTF he wants to do with his life and whether or not he wants a girlfriend. The fact that he would only break up with his girlfriend IF you agreed to go out with him is really telling of his character, don't you think?

    I just don't want you being dicked around again by some asshole like Theo. I know we barely know each other and it's only through your blog, but I've been reading since the beginning and I don't want to see you in such emotional turmoil again. You are worth so much more than that.

    1. Thank you - it was exactly what I needed, thank you for being so honest.
      I know you are right not to trust him... but I don't know that I've ever really been one for good advice. Let's see how it plays out.
      Thank you also for being such a dedicated reader and reaching out, it means a lot that you care x

  2. Once a cheat, always a cheat. My girl crush learned this the hard way. He dumped his fiancee for her, then dumped her for a checkout girl.

    He was ALWAYS shagging the new one before he ditched the old.

    Don't let a smooth-talking asshole play you. You're worth so much more than that <3


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We both knew what we wanted - of that there is absolutely no doubt.
We didn't have to say anything, from the start of the week, right up until the point where I was naked in his bed; we both knew.
About two weeks ago Gareth and a few of our colleagues had arranged to have a night out this Friday. We had a pretty tight knit group of 6 who often lunched together at work, but this was one of the few times we were actually going out together. From Monday Gareth was pestering me like he had before:  "Are you coming out on Friday, are we going out out, are we gonna have a big one..."  "Yes", I had replied, "of course." And I booked my waxing appointment and blowdry for Friday lunch, my mind made up about what I wanted.  I had been thinking what would I regret more; sleeping with him or not sleeping with him. I decided on the latter. I'd not been with anyone since Joe left in January and more than that, thoughts of Gareth were continually running through…