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2017

I have wanted to come back for a little while. So much has happened since my last post. Work colleagues mostly, a trial run with a boy from an app. Arthur, Francis, Gregory, Vincent, Russell, Simon R. Shoes that didn't fit. There are pages about them of course, not here, but in notebooks and scribbles on my phone written on my tube commute. Some indifference, some annihilation, all part of my continual journey.

In February, I met Thomas, and the turn began. We began dating in April, I was labelled his girlfriend in August, and he is the kindest man I have ever let into my life.

I went to Bali in March. Like the healing of the Nile, the energy pulsed deep into my cells and blood and I have not let it go yet. The vibrations of the gong still echoing in my ears, the sunrise still glowing in my heart, the peace and tranquillity in the silent hum of those green fields... I came back with a deep, divine knowledge, that I treasure, every time I am close to forgetting.

And now, I am training to be a yoga teacher. The greatest tool I have in my armoury now, along with my running shoes on the London pavements.

I had given up on wanting a man and a relationship. I had found such peace. Unbelievable, that what they said was really true; you find it when you stop looking. I don't know if it will last. But really, that doesn't matter.

I am not recovered, but I am firmly in recovery. 2017 was the year I let go of the chains I have strangled myself with for uncountable years - half of it recorded on this blog. 2017 was the year I turned 30 - and I will never be going back.

Comments

  1. NC4 January 2018 at 03:13

    I have often thought about you in the years since your last post. So glad to see that you have found peace and happiness!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Alice8 December 2018 at 03:58

    I'm so glad to read such positive thoughts in your most recent post. I hope you keep updating us. Much love and best wishes xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Holly4 January 2023 at 23:40

    Ophelia,
    I don’t know what made me think of you… but here I am and hi! It’s been five years since your last post and I’m not sure you’ll ever come back here but I’m hoping that one day you will.
    I read back and back through my comments… when I was writing to you I was 17 and 19 i’m now 30. Wow we really had heads full of beauty. It wasn’t easy back then and i’m not sure it got much easier… life can be so hard. and so exhausting. when you are perfectionistic and under so much pressure. Disaster. I don’t know how we survived those years. I still struggle but am happy. Sometimes. A lot of the time.
    I’ll probably look back at now in years to come and say wow I don’t know how I survived those years. Haha which tells you it doesn’t get that much easier but you do become better at coping…
    So much I want to say but not sure what to say here. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend to you, I wish I had been. Thank you for being there for me, your support and caring meant so much. I think we could really understand and relate to each other. I still love Effy!
    I hope you found healing for some of the body and man issues. In many ways they’re just a part of life, it doesn’t mean we’re screwed up, just sensitive conscientious loving. I hope you found your peace and know that you have. Praying for you. still dreaming of heaven.
    Sending you all my love.
    Holly x x x

    ReplyDelete

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