Thursday, 24 September 2009

Law School

I have returned from my overseas travels, sunburnt and pimply... yuck. Ok so I'm only sunburt on my shoulders and have like 3 spots but still, really, really not what I needed for my first day of law school.
How was it?
Better than expected to tell you the truth.
I had this image that everyone one there would be really intelligent, really boring and really aloof, but actually everyone I met seemed really nice and down-to-earth. I met two girls at the start who were really lovely and I hope I stay friends with them for the rest of the year, we seemed to have a lot in common. Of course there are loads of beautiful, thin girls in my lecture group, but not overwhelmingly so, like I had imagined.
In my class there are two pretty girls, one ugly large girl and the rest are average... (I know I'm a superficial bitch describing people this way.) There are two - maybe three - attractive guys, but none of them hit me in the face saying w-o-w, and that's probably a good thing as the last thing I want to do is get involved with a guy in my class.
All in all, I'm probably average weight at law school. At uni I was probably at the prettier end of the scale but here I'm probably average in looks as well - which is better than what I had feared that everyone would be absolutely stunning.
My eating is staying low at the moment and I can't complain too much... I'm not as fat as I could be right now. However, I still can't fit into 90% of my wardrobe - or rather 90% of my wardrobe is unflattering and I will only wear when I'm thin enough... don't ask... I just can't wear it...
So anyway, I think the eating should be staying low while I'm here because I'm out all day and keeping busy and won't have money to buy meals in London, so the plan is breakfast (bowl of porridge made with water), a banana at lunch, and then some fruit/veg/meat/nothing? in the evening when I come home.
I'm feeling quite positive at the moment, I don't know why. Even though I'm still way off the mark and am so not thin enough, I feel like I'm getting there. I'm just not going to let any shit get in my way. There is no room for depression in my life. As far as everyone in my lectures and classes knows, I am a normal, happy, healthy girl, and I'm not going to stuff that up. Believe it or not, I actually want to be normal more than anything. I'm not going to let any guy or girl make me feel shit and make me hate myself. I'm not going to have an eating disorder that is bred from unhappiness anymore. I am going to be a happy and normal girl with no issues. No more issues, no more illness. I'm just going to be anorexic so that I can feel even more happy and even more confident. From now on, my eating disorder will be bred from good things, for good reasons - starving because I feel happy and strong and because I want to better myself even more. That is not an issue :)

5 comments:

  1. Well done for settling in :D
    Hope everything stays good for you. I wish you well.

    xox

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  2. Go Ophelia!

    Good luck in school and good job staying positive :)

    Stay strong

    Emily

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  3. You aren't superficial - I ALWAYS scan my class to see who's skinny and who's fat and who's pretty and who's not...and I totally believe that starvation coming about from feeling good and strong and happy is the easiest way to starve...unhappiness tends to lead to more binges I think, well for me it certainly does!!

    Well done and best of luck at Law school :) - dont let anyone bring you down xx

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  4. I'm liking the positive direction your adopting :)

    I'm super judgey like that too! Taking not of pretty/ugly/average and seeing where I rank.

    Stay Strong and POSITIVE!! (yay!)
    XO

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  5. i have it the same - about 90 % of my clothes are just there, and i'm waiting, waiting to be thin enough to look absolutely stunning when wearing them,
    btw, i love the way you write : realistic, harsh, true..
    you are amazing,
    i'm actually trying to read trough all you're posts, half way there :D

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