Skip to main content

Apologies

A quick note... to tell you all that I am ok, alive.
And I am safe now.

You have to forgive me. Please, please forgive me for being away so long and then for posting such things.
There is no excuse.
I have notebooks filled with writing from the last month which needs to all be posted on here. I have no excuse. But I promise you, it will ALL be up before September.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am so sorry.

I AM NOT A FUCKING ROLE MODEL.

I love you all so much; I may not show it, I may have abandoned you for so long, but I will never, never stop loving you all.
And I thank God for all your beauty and strength. each and every one.

x x x

Comments

  1. Peridot (G+P)24 August 2010 at 11:07

    Oh thank god.

    *Love* Keep yourself safe, ok hun?

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. zette24 August 2010 at 14:16

    happy to know you're alright. i'm not a role model either. that's fine. hang in there, darling. look forward to hearing more from you.

    xoxo
    zette

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kitty24 August 2010 at 16:56

    No need to be sorry!
    The blog will be here, and so will we, for as long as you need. :]

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous25 August 2010 at 03:04

    It´s weird I don´t know you but I´ve been checking your blog everyday since your last post to see if you were ok.
    I´m so glad you are sweetie =D
    Hugs

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Don't be anonymous, leave a name at least so I can identify you back :)

Popular posts from this blog

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead, I think I made you up inside my head

There are tears stinging the backs of my eyelids every time I shut my eyes to pause. This world is hurting me so much. The truth is, I'm living, I'm so very much alive, so fit, so healthy, at my peak... except I'm doing it for the spectres that haunt me and keep my blood running so cold. I am a living eating disorder. That's it. There's nothing else left in my head anymore. You know, I'd give anything, to update my facebook status to say really 'what's on my mind'. Don't you ever just want to scream at the top of your voice. "PLEASE HELP ME. Underneath this pretty blush and giddy personality I'm dying, I'm torturing myself, I'm killing myself. Please fucking help me." I've reached the stage where I can't eat anything without throwing it up. The only reason I'm not losing weight is because my initial intake is so much that I can't be getting even half the calories back up anymore. I'm 22 years old and my l...
19 comments
Read more

Dear Non-ED (a.k.a. 'normal') Friends...

So, it appears that the girls at law school still count me as a friend after my excessive drunkenness last week. But friends - female friends - they come at such a price for the eating disordered... I'm at the college all day, everyday - a lecture first thing in the morning and a workshop last thing in the afternoon - which means that we have a four-hour break in the middle. Since my very first day I've spent these four-hour breaks with a bunch of girls in my lecture group - and while they are really nice and I'm so grateful beyond belief that I made friends so quickly, it's a MASSIVE struggle for me. Having an eating disorder is so easy when you spend most of your time by yourself - no-one gives a damn if you ate and no-one knows any better if you did or you didn't. Having an eating disorder is shit when you have to pretend to be all smiley and normal all day long. It's shit when you have to spend lunchtime with your 'friends' who constantly talk about...
21 comments
Read more

'I'm glad the rain is coming down hard. It is how I feel. I love you so.'

I know my posts are starting to become really sporadic. I apologise. I'm trying to live... trying to be busy... perhaps I'm trying to run Anyway. "I regret to inform you that the Medical Board has decided, having reviewed your medical history ....you do not meet the medical entry standards." I got turned away from two careers this week. The first I had to have an interview with a doctor. The second I had to have an interview with a psychiatrist. I couldn't lie my way out. I tried. I have to thank Mia. I have to thank my body. No one wants to employ someone with a 'history' of mental illness. Even though I lied and told them I was cured now. It's still there. It will always be a black mark by my name, no matter how I try to put a gloss on it. It's still a blip on my character. It says I'm unstable. It says I'm weak. It says unemployable . Anorexics are turned down because: "It is impossible to predict the 20% of sufferers who m...
17 comments
Read more