Skip to main content
I need a knife - a big, clean, sleek one - to slice these great chunks off my body.

I have got to get out of here.

Comments

  1. Plum Girl14 October 2010 at 19:41

    I relate.
    ♥

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ana's Girl15 October 2010 at 02:11

    I know that feeling oh so well... *hugs* hang in there, darling.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gem!!15 October 2010 at 03:27

    Remember to take a moment and breathe.
    Disconnect yourself emotionally from the situation.

    Empathising with you xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous15 October 2010 at 04:34

    Every little thing is going to be alright. I don't know your tastes in music, but reggae and classic rock got a lot of things right, including their messages. It may be something to help get you through these tougher times; it helps me, at least. Much love, darling.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous15 October 2010 at 07:07

    I know how you feel - I don't know how many hours I've spent lost in fantasies about DIY liposuction using a big, sharp knife & a vacuum cleaner

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous15 October 2010 at 07:28

    I´ve been thinking exactly the same way for years...what happened in these past days?You sounded so hopefull in your last post.
    When i have thoughts like these i try to spend time with some friends who really understund me and distract myself, at least that works for me.
    Hugs honey
    Flor

    ReplyDelete
  7. ancora15 October 2010 at 09:49

    WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN.

    OH I LOVE YOU DON'T DO IT. LISTEN TO MY OBNOXIOUS YELLING.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Don't be anonymous, leave a name at least so I can identify you back :)

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Non-ED (a.k.a. 'normal') Friends...

So, it appears that the girls at law school still count me as a friend after my excessive drunkenness last week. But friends - female friends - they come at such a price for the eating disordered... I'm at the college all day, everyday - a lecture first thing in the morning and a workshop last thing in the afternoon - which means that we have a four-hour break in the middle. Since my very first day I've spent these four-hour breaks with a bunch of girls in my lecture group - and while they are really nice and I'm so grateful beyond belief that I made friends so quickly, it's a MASSIVE struggle for me. Having an eating disorder is so easy when you spend most of your time by yourself - no-one gives a damn if you ate and no-one knows any better if you did or you didn't. Having an eating disorder is shit when you have to pretend to be all smiley and normal all day long. It's shit when you have to spend lunchtime with your 'friends' who constantly talk about...
21 comments
Read more

Yes, I'm the great maintainer

So, a few days ago I declared that I was off to buy some laxatives to clear out my podgy belly. Took one. Nothing. Took two. Standard. Took three. And spent all day at work cramped over in severe pain and running to the loo every half hour. Oh my god did I curse myself. 8am to 5pm sat in an office, feeling like something inside me had collapsed. What I would give to go back to uni already and spend my days curled up under my duvet! I am sick of maintaining my weight. I'm working so hard on restricting my calorie intake and nothing is happening. Although I haven't exercised for like two weeks or something - maybe three. That's disgusting. I need to sort it out. I was a member of my gym at uni, and loved it. Now that I'm back home I can't get a gym membership anymore because my Mum believes in saving money over being healthy. She controls everything I spend and everything I do when I'm living with her. Working in an office with these long hours leaves me no time ...
13 comments
Read more

With all my everlasting love, Goodbye...

Well, I got the job. I spent the last three weeks living and breathing the company and the role, preparing myself completely for the onslaught of interviews. Every spare moment pouring over economics textbooks, business journals and newspapers, paperbacks and online resources. I did everything I could to get that job. I sat on the train on my journey home with my eyes closed and sent my thoughts up to the sky please let me get it, please, please I start in 4 weeks, straight after I finish at the school. Right back in the centre of the City of London. where I belong . where I can thrive, work hard and play hard back to my best whatever that best is I got the call to say I'd been offered the job in the middle of my therapy session. I was overjoyed. My therapist congratulated me. We talked about the incredible progress I had made. We talked about the end... We decided that my last session will be the week before I start my new job. The sun was shining outside, I felt invin...
21 comments
Read more