There are tears stinging the backs of my eyelids every time I shut my eyes to pause. This world is hurting me so much. The truth is, I'm living, I'm so very much alive, so fit, so healthy, at my peak... except I'm doing it for the spectres that haunt me and keep my blood running so cold. I am a living eating disorder. That's it. There's nothing else left in my head anymore. You know, I'd give anything, to update my facebook status to say really 'what's on my mind'. Don't you ever just want to scream at the top of your voice. "PLEASE HELP ME. Underneath this pretty blush and giddy personality I'm dying, I'm torturing myself, I'm killing myself. Please fucking help me." I've reached the stage where I can't eat anything without throwing it up. The only reason I'm not losing weight is because my initial intake is so much that I can't be getting even half the calories back up anymore. I'm 22 years old and my l...
I relate.
ReplyDelete♥
I know that feeling oh so well... *hugs* hang in there, darling.
ReplyDeleteRemember to take a moment and breathe.
ReplyDeleteDisconnect yourself emotionally from the situation.
Empathising with you xx
Every little thing is going to be alright. I don't know your tastes in music, but reggae and classic rock got a lot of things right, including their messages. It may be something to help get you through these tougher times; it helps me, at least. Much love, darling.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel - I don't know how many hours I've spent lost in fantasies about DIY liposuction using a big, sharp knife & a vacuum cleaner
ReplyDeleteI´ve been thinking exactly the same way for years...what happened in these past days?You sounded so hopefull in your last post.
ReplyDeleteWhen i have thoughts like these i try to spend time with some friends who really understund me and distract myself, at least that works for me.
Hugs honey
Flor
WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN.
ReplyDeleteOH I LOVE YOU DON'T DO IT. LISTEN TO MY OBNOXIOUS YELLING.