Hmm sorry for the last post. I tend to go all crazy, manic, poetic style when I hit the depth of hell.
So last night was the biggest breakdown I've had for quite a while... well a least like two months or something?
Really did some scary binging, like really 'think my heart and stomach are failing' kinda scary. And like I mentioned in the last post, I went for the horror look with regards to cutting my arms. Jesus Christ. Did my best to throw up all the food again, don't know how much I managed, but I ate so much I doubt it all came out. Just dissolved into tears and curled up in a ball under my duvet.
Oh this might have had something to do with an overdue assessment and 'I need to eat to write an essay' and 'I can't write this essay!'
Woke up the next morning and had to face a room strewn with wrappers and plates. Really, I ate ALL that?!
So here I am, writing my essay (yay!). I have to get it handed in tomorrow else I fail my whole year... which really isn't comprehensible right now...
Also tomorrow I am off to the Lake District for a weekend of walking!! (I'm so excited cos I'm just thinking about BURNING CALORIES!!!)
I'm going with the club I'm in at uni (no it's not a walking club - although one does exist! - but because it's the start of the Easter holidays and everything, this is a little 'treat' for us to get away and chill. It's all paid for so can't really complain.)
Anyway as well as some hardcore walking (I'm going with a bunch of military buff guys who love their physical training so I'm bound to get a beasting! woop!) we are bringing out our own cooks...lol I know right, good service or what. And the plan is to not eat for the whole weekend. Should be pretty easy for several reasons:
1. I find it hard to eat in front of others (I always love to be the one with control and look at everyone else with a superior air.)
2. I'm a vegetarian and the cooks and the boys are really big on their meat and I have been told that pretty much all the food is gonna be meat!
3. I can't go and buy my own food because there won't be any shops!
Oh happy, happy days. Burning calories and no food to eat! It's like ana heaven.
I intend to spend the whole weekend in dresses even though I've got to wear sexy walking boots with them. (I can't stand my figure in trousers... like I physically can't go out in public wearing trousers - I mean trousers just define the outline of my bum and thighs!! In dresses I can pretend like I don't have curves... does that make sense or am I just being overly paranoid about my figure?) I know that me wearing dresses isn't going to go down at all well... I mean the kit list says 'suitable walking trousers' haha...but hell, if I don't take any trousers with me, I can't wear them can I! Ah, the boys are gonna rip me apart for being so girly... and the instructor will probably shout at me... it happens a lot...
I am kinda worried that my friends and the instructor (who knows about my eating cos I was put into therapy and had to miss a trip a while back) will get all 'concerned' with me not eating, but then it will just be a case of 'Oh I have a really bad tummy, I just can't even look at food.' Sorted.
I'll post some pictures of the lake district when I'm back.