That would be the exam I took today.
And then my whole ABC plan.
Honestly, English Literature exams...why...just why!
Today my exam was on Modern Literature (Virginia Woolf, T.S. Eliot etc) and well, yeah it was even shitter than I had anticipated. Honestly, I went into an exam once without having read any of the books, did terribly, but even that exam felt better than the one I did today!
I have one final assignment due on Tuesday...and then I'm finished with University, thank God.
Except I have a real fear now of ending up with a 2:2 after that exam went so badly...and I can't get a 2:2, I just can't, I won't be able to go into any of the careers I want...
So I came home, feeling like I'd thrown away everything, and that sick, empty, worthless, there's-no-point, feeling crept over my heart...and I went out, bought two big cookies, a double chocolate muffin and a pack of indian nan bread (hey - I don't choose what my binge voice tells me I crave!) Then made 4 bowls of porridge, 3 bananas, 3 apples... basically cleared out all the food I had.
What a fat, miserable cow.
Boo hoo, I messed up my degree, lets mess up everything else as well.
So fuck it, ok, I fucked up, I am a fuck up.
I can't change my exam, I can't change that I binged, but I can forget about it.
STARTING AGAIN: ABC from day one tomorrow.
I just need a good long, hard cry. Get all the self-pity out.
And I'll be ok tomorrow.
I move back home to London in one week; Start my temporary job in London in one week.
Time to shape up little girl.