Sunday, 10 May 2009

Current desire: TINY ARMS

Mmm it's not so bad sometimes, is it?

And the second I've written that, the tummy rumbles - it is such an attention seeker. Well I'm gonna teach it a lesson by ignoring it's pathetic cries.

My fast is still going well and I am still smiling! Instead of raging headaches and wanting to sleep, I just feel really healthy and happy.
I had a day off from all activity yesterday. I am a bad, bad person, but to make up for it, I enjoyed a killer session in the gym today. 600 calories on the treadmill alone and then 1,000 metres in the pool. Usually I'm knackered by the time I get into the swimming pool (always my last activity) but today I was just hammering out the laps easily... can't explain it, but certainly not gonna grumble!

I've always had severe hangups about the size of my arms and rather than moaning about it, I've taken to spending that little bit extra time in the gym to use all the machines that work out the arms.Even in the last week alone I've been able to move up a couple of kilos on all the weight machines I use. This makes me happy. I'm not sure which dress I'm going to wear to the ball on saturday yet. I have a red floral one which is lusciously figure-hugging or a white floaty one with a black bow... I think I will have to decide on the day depending on how much weight I shift with this fast. Either way, my arms, shoulders and back will be on show, so it is VITAL that I get my arms really toned and my collarbones nice and prominent! For the moment, my chubby thighs can take a back seat as they will be safe under the long dress :)

So a week more of fasting and working out for some bearable arms! I hope these high energy levels that I've had today last. I don't think I've had tiny arms since I was starving at 15/16. Unbelievably, during that time, I would always cover up all my skinny body because I hated it so much (I was still convinced that I was hideously massive). Imagine, big jumpers hiding those skinny arms! What a waste. God, I was so fucked up then.

My Mum just rang to check up on me a few minutes ago.
"What did you have for lunch?"
Bless her, always wanting to check that I'm eating right at uni.
Long pause...erm...what to normal people eat for lunch again? Erm..."Chicken." And erm... "bread?"
She seemed satisfied with this.
I do feel sorry for my Mum. She just wants a perfect daughter so badly. She wants me to be successful and rich, with a great job and some well-off husband. Truth is, well, she doesn't know the truth. Poor Mum, always buying me nice food when I'm home just so I can throw it away or throw it up. Poor Mum, thinking I keep cutting my arms on barbed wire accidentally. Poor Mum, trying to understand why I cry in front of the mirror when we're going out because I look too fat.

I used to resent her when I was younger. I had it in my head that for some sick and twisted reason she wanted me to be as fat and as ugly as possible. Why else would she make me eat? Why else would she not let me buy the cosmetics I needed?
For the whole of my teenage years, we hated each other. We lived in different worlds and wanted different things for me.
It wasn't until I came to uni that I could see things from her point of view.
Let me describe my Mum: just under 5"0', around 85-90 lbs, sleek black hair, perfect complexion and skin, hairless legs. She doesn't need make-up, she doesn't need anything. She is natural beauty.
So, she just doesn't understand.
And no, she doesn't have an eating disorder. For all my life, she has eaten what she wants. "I can't put on weight. I'd look so much better if I had more flesh, but I can't put on weight." Have some of mine Mum?

While I'm in such a fitness-freak mood, here's a website that I've been using for a while. It's got lots of free videos for all sorts of exercises, mostly for toning those stubborn yucky bits.

Thank you so much for the kind comments and on-going support! You guys are they key to keeping this body smiling!

Love Ophelia x x x

3 comments:

  1. I knew about health.msn, but I never knew it had so many exercise videos :D awesome. Skinny arms are beautiful...tiny and feminine. Good luck :)

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  2. Oh my gosh, I'd never realised how good this site was.

    Thank you so much.

    I need to get trim for my year 11 prom :(

    Thanks. Stay strong. xoxo

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  3. Ophelia blog again! I need to know how you're doing. Week gone well..? Xxx

    ReplyDelete

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