This Saturday is the ball...I mean The Ball. Everyone I know at uni will be there.
Every guy I have ever mentioned in this blog will be there. That's how big it is.
James - the ladies man, the English-gentleman, the best-looking guy I have ever met, the biggest slut I have ever met, the one I thought was in love with me...
Oli - the rough Londoner, the cheeky one, the body of a Greek god, the one I want and don't want...
Sam - the cute one, a gem of football team, the one who prefers blondes...
Max - the loved up one, the one who chose my skinny friend...
And it's not just them. It's boys I have known for ages while I've been at uni and who have judged me that whole time. It's boys I have pulled on drunken nights out. It's boys I've turned down, boys who have lusted after me in secret, boys who have rated me on a scale of 1-10, boys who play 'Who would you rather sleep with...'
This is the last time I will ever see them again.
I need to be as perfect as I can get...and that's why I am not breaking this fast.
I wanted to post some pictures of myself in this post...just becuase I want you all to be able to feel closer to me, know me better...just because I want to be able to open up to you that bit more. And I've been searching through the many photo albums on my laptop to try and find the right ones - the ones when I was thin, then fat, then thin... and I can't seem to decide on the right one. I just look so normal.
But that is what I am. I am a normal 21 year old girl, in my third year of university. Nothing special, nothing spectacular. Sometimes fat, sometimes thin. If I posted up a photo, I feel like it would render myself something less to you all, something just very average - just a real girl in a real body.
I don't want that. I want to turn heads. I want to be unbelievable in an unbelievable body.
This was me at my first ball when I first came to uni: (note collarbones!)
This was me a few months later: (note the belly...there were much worse ones, but this is humiliating enough to put up)
And about 6 months after that: (belly completely flat again)It's also worth noting the shape of my face. It's naturally round, but can go from hideously chubby to bearable.
I NEED to get back to that. I'm not as disgusting as I was at my heaviest. But I'm nowhere near my lightest.
That's all, looking at photos upsets me. I'll take them down in 24 hours.