I'm trying so desperately to be normal.
I've started a new life...with new friends...new surroundings...
and a new me
...a new me which is a fabrication
...everything I want to be.
I've had a couple of full days at law school now.
A nice, pleasant, friendly girl.
I am the girl whose scars you cannot see,
I am the girl who won't eat in front of you,
I am the girl who desperately wants to pull out her pocket mirror every 5 minutes
but struggles to keep the monster at bay,
because I don't want anyone to know she exists.
I don't want to be the girl with the disorder.
I don't want to be the monster.
My body is the weakest it has been in a long time.
I'm not sure how much longer it can take.
It's scary, but I have to be realistic. I'm fucking fragile right now. I press my hands to my forehead and I can feel my cold skull breaking through my papery skin.
I can't eat tomorrow.
I almost fainted throwing up today.
And then I ate. about 2000 calories.
I won't eat tomorrow and I won't even feel hungry.
I won't sleep.
I'll walk 6 miles. I'll do 100 sit-ups.
Keep going. I won't stop.
Working, writing, making notes in pretty colours, asking questions in class with a massive smile on my face because I'm the nice, normal girl in your class at law school.
Hello, my name is Ophelia...
how are you?
Hillary Clinton meme
9 months ago