Saturday, 10 October 2009

Irresponsible post.

It was the Fresher's Party for my law school a few days ago.

You can already tell I fucked it up can't you.

I got drunk. I mean annihilated. Threw up everywhere.
My new friends... superficial friends - don't like girls that behave like me.
I told a girl I was bulimic - after I had to stick two fingers down my throat outside a new London club to get the liquid poison out.
"I could tell," she said, "You never eat."
I'd be amazed if those girls are still friendly with me on Monday.
I hadn't planned on acting like trash, but I hadn't eaten for days and my starving body couldn't take the alcohol
...and as standard, drunk and blacked out from sickness, without a sensation in my body, I ate and ate and ate - until I thought my heart was going to stop - but I wasn't scared.

Holly yes, I do believe. I've done it before. I'm doing it again. Stay with me. Be strong, you deserve happiness.

The pretty, paper mask is crumbling.

But it's so easy to avoid eating. I don't miss it and I don't desire it.
I get up at 7:30am, leave at 8:30am, avoid food all day, come home at 7pm and throw away the food my mum leaves me for dinner. Whenever I feel a tingle of hunger I look at the calorie numbers and it goes away. I don't need food. I don't want that disgusting shit in my body.
I actually don't need food.

It's such a fucking con.
We. Don't. Need. Food.

Eating disorders kill.

It feels like I'm just waiting now.


  1. I know how you feel....

    And I also know what it feels like to get wasted just to try to fit in and numb the screaming in your head....



  2. wish i could be as strong as you . it's hard .

  3. I too know how you feel.
    Chin up, dear.

  4. I'd be amazed if those girls are still friendly with me on Monday.

    Hopefully, I mean, who has complete control when they're drunk? If not, you don't need 'em.

    Correct. You are 100% correct when you say we don't need food. Health books, ads, the world may say so, but that's only because they always have.

  5. honey i know how you feel. i feel exactly the same.
    it makes me sad to thhink that there are girls that feel like me out there, it suckkkkks. there are no words that can describe this feeling.
    im here for anything that you need! oxxo stay strong!

  6. We don't need food. Only motivation.


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