Skip to main content

Doubt thou the stars are fire...

The 100th Post.
I'm tired today. And eating. The fight is draining from me.
It's him.
I was with Alex last night. And at the weekend. 4th Weekend in a row.
I eat when I'm with him. I eat. I don't worry, I eat, I'm happy... with him.

We've only really been 'together' for three weeks. This is insane. I keep pinching myself - surely this can't last.
We think we love each other.
Maybe we do.
I...

I've had to stop to cry here.

He has just sent me a message in reply to a link I sent him earlier - a link to the psychiatrist I'm due to see:

He seems like he knows what he's talking about so no doubt you'll be in safe hands! Good luck!
If you ever need someone to chat to, just give me a ring...I probably won't know what to say, but I'll do what I can! In fact, if there's ever anything I can do, just let me know. I want to help you get better and understand as much as I can.

Love you xxxx



What else can I do but cry; the emotion is pouring out of me. I don't know what emotion any more.

"I want to help you get better and understand as much as I can."



Labels

Labels:

Comments

  1. Anna12 May 2010 at 20:58

    Honey if you want the recovery than you should do it. You can do it, Alex sounds like an amazing guy!

    You´re so lucky to have him!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  2. what if summer...12 May 2010 at 20:59

    Do you want to get better?

    ReplyDelete
  3. JK13 May 2010 at 03:36

    ophelia i missed u so much, i bet everyone here did! alex sounds like he really makes u happy. though u sound uneasy at urself feeling happy... embrace it, embrace his love. u deserve it, u are beautiful. /xo

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous13 May 2010 at 08:40

    He sounds so lovely!
    That's so nice, you have someone to fall back on, someone to turn to. This boy could end up being the light in the dark you've needed for so long
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ana15 May 2010 at 02:37

    <3 Aw, he sounds like a genuine winner.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Don't be anonymous, leave a name at least so I can identify you back :)

Popular posts from this blog

Yes, I'm the great maintainer

So, a few days ago I declared that I was off to buy some laxatives to clear out my podgy belly. Took one. Nothing. Took two. Standard. Took three. And spent all day at work cramped over in severe pain and running to the loo every half hour. Oh my god did I curse myself. 8am to 5pm sat in an office, feeling like something inside me had collapsed. What I would give to go back to uni already and spend my days curled up under my duvet! I am sick of maintaining my weight. I'm working so hard on restricting my calorie intake and nothing is happening. Although I haven't exercised for like two weeks or something - maybe three. That's disgusting. I need to sort it out. I was a member of my gym at uni, and loved it. Now that I'm back home I can't get a gym membership anymore because my Mum believes in saving money over being healthy. She controls everything I spend and everything I do when I'm living with her. Working in an office with these long hours leaves me no time ...
13 comments
Read more

2017

I have wanted to come back for a little while. So much has happened since my last post. Work colleagues mostly, a trial run with a boy from an app. Arthur, Francis, Gregory, Vincent, Russell, Simon R. Shoes that didn't fit. There are pages about them of course, not here, but in notebooks and scribbles on my phone written on my tube commute. Some indifference, some annihilation, all part of my continual journey. In February, I met Thomas, and the turn began. We began dating in April, I was labelled his girlfriend in August, and he is the kindest man I have ever let into my life. I went to Bali in March. Like the healing of the Nile, the energy pulsed deep into my cells and blood and I have not let it go yet. The vibrations of the gong still echoing in my ears, the sunrise still glowing in my heart, the peace and tranquillity in the silent hum of those green fields... I came back with a deep, divine knowledge, that I treasure, every time I am close to forgetting. And now, I am ...
3 comments
Read more

Dear Non-ED (a.k.a. 'normal') Friends...

So, it appears that the girls at law school still count me as a friend after my excessive drunkenness last week. But friends - female friends - they come at such a price for the eating disordered... I'm at the college all day, everyday - a lecture first thing in the morning and a workshop last thing in the afternoon - which means that we have a four-hour break in the middle. Since my very first day I've spent these four-hour breaks with a bunch of girls in my lecture group - and while they are really nice and I'm so grateful beyond belief that I made friends so quickly, it's a MASSIVE struggle for me. Having an eating disorder is so easy when you spend most of your time by yourself - no-one gives a damn if you ate and no-one knows any better if you did or you didn't. Having an eating disorder is shit when you have to pretend to be all smiley and normal all day long. It's shit when you have to spend lunchtime with your 'friends' who constantly talk about...
21 comments
Read more