According to the scales, on Monday I lost half a stone (7 pounds) in 12 hours.
But seriously. That's what both of my goddam scales told me. Seriously. Are my scales posessed or is my body just THAT ridiculous?!
After a lovely 700 calorie session in the gym on Monday and a negative amount of food, I decided to do the same on Tuesday. I hit the gym at around 5pm on an empty tummy. 700 calories later, I left the gym, completely drained of life. I felt like zombie.
On the train home it struck me: Stomach-churning nausea. The most intense and disgusting nausea I have ever experienced. I had to press my hand to my mouth to hold it in.
My body was rebelling. My stomach was being vile. It was screaming at me to eat.
I don't remember walking through the front door, I just remember the bread crumbs when it was over.
According to ABC I was only supposed to consume 100 calories. I had burnt off 700, which meant that strictly speaking I could eat 800 calories. But I lost it with the bread... I think I went over.
I just felt so foul and weak.
But I should have done better. I should have planned. Should have been more sensible.
I cannot do intensive work outs without eating something.
Or can I... yesterday I pushed the boat out and burnt 1,000 calories on a tin of tuna and half a flapjack. And it felt pretty great.
Well, I'm giving my body a day off from the gym today - and have consumed an apple, two eggs, chicken breast and broccoli - 400 calories - check.
I will do some resistance/toning/core exercises this evening, just to keep my head happy :)
On another note, there's a great program on BBC iPlayer at the moment, (sorry to any international readers, I think it may only be available in the UK...)
It has some of the best reverse thinspo I've ever seen. I sat through the whole 60 minutes feeling completely repulsed.
Here is what I have learnt:
- Bread is the most disgusting substance I have ever seen. (see video at 08:13) I will not EVER be putting dough into my body again.
- Sugar consumption has risen fivefold in a century and doubled in ten years.
- The human race has fucked up nature, mass-producing chickens, filling our beautiful green food from mother earth with chemicals.
- I have an intense hatred of fat people.
- Looking at supermarkets stacked full of food makes me disgusted by what society has become.
- Human beings are not supposed to be like this.
- I don't think I can eat junk food again.
I cannot emphasise enough how this program has made me change the way I feel about what I put into my body - my beautiful, pure body. It's mine, it's nature's, and we've convenience packaged the world to destroy it.
The decaying stench of human fat is overpowering every city. I'd like to think we were part of a revolution. Perhaps we, the 'eating-disordered', are actually the sane ones. Perhaps our 'disorder' is a consequence of our bodies remembering the way humans used to live and somewhere in our forgotten subcoscious we are battling the society which forces this unnatural food upon us.
It's true though isn't it : people who only eat natural, organic, healthy foods, raw foodists - are considered by modern society to be 'weird', 'freaks', 'obsessed', 'ridiculous', 'stupid'.
But really, that's how humans have been eating for thousands of years.
People judge me when I turn down junk food.
Actually, I'm doing what nature wants, I'm respecting my body, I'm loving my body, and above all, I'M BEING NORMAL.
So, here's to my hunter-gatherer ancestors hammering away for attention in my head. I'm going to start adhering to the way my genetics were set when I was born 22 years ago - before chemicals and shit in tin cans and shiny wrappers modified my lean template.
I'm designed to be super-fit, toned, slim and radiant. And so are YOU.
I feel like my head has been cleansed. I must keep working out, keep enjoying the protein, the vitamins and minerals until I've reformed
a body full of beauty.
Hillary Clinton meme
9 months ago