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Ophelia, the hunter-gatherer

According to the scales, on Monday I lost half a stone (7 pounds) in 12 hours.
I wish?!
But seriously. That's what both of my goddam scales told me. Seriously. Are my scales posessed or is my body just THAT ridiculous?!

After a lovely 700 calorie session in the gym on Monday and a negative amount of food, I decided to do the same on Tuesday. I hit the gym at around 5pm on an empty tummy. 700 calories later, I left the gym, completely drained of life. I felt like zombie.
On the train home it struck me: Stomach-churning nausea. The most intense and disgusting nausea I have ever experienced. I had to press my hand to my mouth to hold it in.
My body was rebelling. My stomach was being vile. It was screaming at me to eat.
I don't remember walking through the front door, I just remember the bread crumbs when it was over.
According to ABC I was only supposed to consume 100 calories. I had burnt off 700, which meant that strictly speaking I could eat 800 calories. But I lost it with the bread... I think I went over.
I just felt so foul and weak.

But I should have done better. I should have planned. Should have been more sensible.
I cannot do intensive work outs without eating something.
Or can I... yesterday I pushed the boat out and burnt 1,000 calories on a tin of tuna and half a flapjack. And it felt pretty great.

Well, I'm giving my body a day off from the gym today - and have consumed an apple, two eggs, chicken breast and broccoli - 400 calories - check.
I will do some resistance/toning/core exercises this evening, just to keep my head happy :)

On another note, there's a great program on BBC iPlayer at the moment, (sorry to any international readers, I think it may only be available in the UK...)

It has some of the best reverse thinspo I've ever seen. I sat through the whole 60 minutes feeling completely repulsed.
Here is what I have learnt:
- Bread is the most disgusting substance I have ever seen. (see video at 08:13) I will not EVER be putting dough into my body again.
- Sugar consumption has risen fivefold in a century and doubled in ten years.
- The human race has fucked up nature, mass-producing chickens, filling our beautiful green food from mother earth with chemicals.
- I have an intense hatred of fat people.
- Looking at supermarkets stacked full of food makes me disgusted by what society has become.
- Human beings are not supposed to be like this.
- I don't think I can eat junk food again.

I cannot emphasise enough how this program has made me change the way I feel about what I put into my body - my beautiful, pure body. It's mine, it's nature's, and we've convenience packaged the world to destroy it.
The decaying stench of human fat is overpowering every city. I'd like to think we were part of a revolution. Perhaps we, the 'eating-disordered', are actually the sane ones. Perhaps our 'disorder' is a consequence of our bodies remembering the way humans used to live and somewhere in our forgotten subcoscious we are battling the society which forces this unnatural food upon us.

It's true though isn't it : people who only eat natural, organic, healthy foods, raw foodists - are considered by modern society to be 'weird', 'freaks', 'obsessed', 'ridiculous', 'stupid'.
But really, that's how humans have been eating for thousands of years.
People judge me when I turn down junk food.
Actually, I'm doing what nature wants, I'm respecting my body, I'm loving my body, and above all, I'M BEING NORMAL.

So, here's to my hunter-gatherer ancestors hammering away for attention in my head. I'm going to start adhering to the way my genetics were set when I was born 22 years ago - before chemicals and shit in tin cans and shiny wrappers modified my lean template.
I'm designed to be super-fit, toned, slim and radiant. And so are YOU.

I feel like my head has been cleansed. I must keep working out, keep enjoying the protein, the vitamins and minerals until I've reformed
a body full of beauty.


  1. What a good, interesting post. I live in Canada so i might not be able to get that podcast.

    What did the video show about bread that repulsed you so much?

    I have been following a low-carb/no carb (a combo of Suzanne Sommers & p90X) for a few weeks now and I feel so much better.
    over the holidays I ate gross carbs/some fast food and I noticed such a huge difference, in a negative way.

    I'm with you on the hunter-gather diet!

  2. wow good job on the weight loss, im too lazy to work out as much as you do,heck i get tired just reading about how much you work out lol. keep up the good work.

    stay strong

  3. My friend is on this paleolithic diet where he eats: meat, fruit, a lot of veggies, oh and meat. He is in great shape. He went from this scrawny kid to this super buff man. I can't follow his diet, because it is just to extreme for me. I eat meat like, once a week I think. But it is admirable.
    Yeah, refined sugar is pretty gross. I try to avoid it. I def. will be eating a much healthier diet when I'm abroad because snaky foods will not be available.
    In fact, eating healthier is how I got so underweight. And when people told me I was anorexic, I felt outright insulted. Just because I didn't eat tons of bread, sugar, and cans of chips meant I was a freak. I just didn't know. And now, it is so hard to develop good eating habits. Sigh, oh America, why can't you just shut down all fast food places and tax sugary refined foods up the butt and then make healthy foods cheaper. And then health care, it may improve.
    But that would be "socialism" according to the right. GAHHH.

  4. this post was inspiring and managed to make me smile. i like your style. made me think about going back to being vegan for a bit.....hmmmm not sure if i could handle it. i'll think about it though. keep it up on the working out and weight loss! <3

  5. i started writing because of you. it used to be the weirdest and worst secret, what i really am.
    but its seemes similar to you. and you are fantastic.

  6. "People judge me when I turn down junk food."

    This is so true but you know what, I think they are judging nobody but themselves. People feel defensive and compelled to make negative judgments or commentary on those who make different (better) choices than they do. They wish they could turn down junk food, I'm sure. :p

    Keep up the amazing work!! Lots of love


  7. Great post, keep up the good work. x

  8. This post made me think of the diet my mum is on. If I ever go back to eating like a normal person, I think that it's the way I would like to eat. The books are by Barbara Cousins and she tells you about cooking without gluten, sugar, dairy products, yeast, salt, saturated fat (and meat in some books). It's amazing how yummy and easy all of the recipes are when we are almost conditioned to believe all those foods are so necessary.

  9. pleeease anyone load this vid up on youtube... what is the name of it maybe it is already there? I am dying to see this !=)

  10. I'm watching this program now. I HATE fat people. Not just because they are fat but because it's greedy, gluttony, selfishness.
    I know I sound like a horrible bitch but if people eat themselves into heart disease let them fuckin' die. Greedy pigs.

    ... I'm not normally this horrible.

  11. "I don't remember walking through the front door, I just remember the bread crumbs when it was over."

    I did that almost everyday for a whole year. Looking back... starving during the day and binge eating when I got home. Ugh. It's the worst thing you can possibly do to yourself. And we both know how fat it can make you so very very fast. Don't do it.

    (I'm directing that at myself too.) Things haven't been good recently. I was doing OK and then suddenly everything spiralled back into binge eaitng madness... I don't know how it happened. I've completely lost control again.
    The stress of exams...

    Oh God. I'm making excuses. There are no excuses. It's me. All me. I'm just hopeless.

    I watched the programme. It's shocking to see what they actually do to normal everyday food from the supermarket. It's not healthy or natural at all! It's all tested and artifically made in labs... And yet it's so widely accepted that that food is fine to eat. We should eat cereal for breakfast, bread for lunch and then pasta or pizza or something in the evening. But it's all such junk! None of that chemical shit is healthy.

    The apple, eggs, chicken and broccoli - that's healthy. That's how we should be eating. We've lost the basic mentality that our ancestors and people living in say Africa.. have surrounding food. We used to be hunters and gatherers. We had to work to get it. But now it's just... oh sit on the sofa and watch TV with a takeaway. It's all wrong.

    I know what you mean about having to eat more after you exercise. Hmm. Maybe you should just eat more. Eat larger quantities if that's what your bodies telling you... but make sure it's of the healthy stuff. Leafy vegetables, salad and a bit of fruit. I mean if you've exercised, you've earned it. That was like gathering it... and now you can eat it.

    I love the picture by the way. It represents so much... Health and fitness caveman style. Definitely the way forwards!

    Stay strong and keep going. I think we're learning... Stick to your guns. What you're doing is right. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. And don't give up!

    Holly x x x

  12. I totally overdid it the other day too, (huge workout before work, no food) and my body rebelled exactly like this.
    Seeing as how I was at work and couldn't get food, a vending machine honey-bun became my bread.
    It's hard to recover from crashes like that.

  13. Who is that picture of the tone blonde women of?


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