All the power I have comes from the mirror: it comes from seeing fresh, clear skin, big brown all-absorbing eyes, soft dark hair and plump pink lips. From toned legs, a trim waist and slim arms - my power comes from my confidence; my power comes from the way I look.
It's a lie, when people say it's what's inside that counts. But we all know this. We all know that's a load of crap. The world is powered by superficiality.
As a woman, being beautiful is more important than anything. Period. And I don't mean fake hair-extensioned, plastic beauty, I mean REAL beauty.
I mean that naturally glossy smile, that healthy twinkle in the eyes, skin that glows and a body that's lean and fit: with charisma that sparkles.
You see, when a woman has all these things, she can command anyone - any man, even any woman.
I don't have Real Beauty.
But sometimes, with a great deal of effort, I can come pretty close. The experiences I have in this state are simply ethereal.
I can wrap people around my little finger. I can charm them completely. I can manipulate them. I can win.
I remember, as a teenager, I used to look in awe at those girls: the stunning ones, the ones that everybody loved. I knew even then, that the key to their power was not simply in the way they looked, but in their charisma. The combination of the two makes for a force that cannot be reckoned with. That charisma, I'm sure, came from their confidence - because they knew they looked amazing - because they knew they were better than the rest of the girls - they knew they were superior.
I didn't have it.
I've always wanted it.
I'm getting so close now.
When I stand in front of the mirror I can see the bumps of my hips bones. I can pinch fewer inches around my belly. I can outrun half the guys my age. When I do my hair and makeup, I'm starting to feel it... the charisma and charm, the sparkle in the eyes... the power.
I'm starting to believe in myself. At 'The Club', nobody knows any different. Nobody sees anyone other than a confident, bubbly, life-loving, pretty girl. For the first time; I can play that girl.
But is it making me happy? I'm throwing my whole life away for this.
I spend three hours in the gym. I have to go. I skip classes at law school. I keep skipping classes. Don't eat. Laxatives. Mirror, mirror, this dress, that dress, no that dress... out tonight, he's there and he's there, will get drunk, will flirt and flirt, will act like I'm the hottest girl in the room.
Will come home empty-hearted.
Hillary Clinton meme
9 months ago