Skip to main content

He got to laugh

My mum wants me to go into town with her to sort out my bank account.
I go only to avoid an argument.
I wear my shittest fattest clothes.
Glasses.
Foundation.
I look like a piece of shit, humiliated by my reflection, but its ok...it'll be two minutes in public then home to hide my ugly reflection away. I would never, ever go out looking like this on any normal occasion.

I walk right into my ex-boyfriend.
Not seen him since we broke up 3 years ago.
Panic attack. Sweating. Shaking. Retching.
Fists clenched like a murderer.
Knife, blood, help me cope.
Walked in the door and screamed.

I want to smash things up. I want to bleed into ecstasy.

He got to laugh at how ugly I am.

Comments

  1. Oh yuck, you poor thing. You can make yourself immaculate a million times in the hopes of bumping into an ex, but it only ever happens when you aren't expecting it and look your worst :(

    I just read the article about "normal women". Dress it up any way you like love. You are overweight and even if the odd chubby chaser wants to run his hands over your ripples, you are still at an increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, cancer and GOD DAMN FREAKING UGLINESS.

    And you only have fewer wrinkles because your skin is so stretched. Wrinkles over stretch marks any day

    ReplyDelete
  2. wah. poor girl. that sucks.
    so he actually saw you?

    you know what: lose them pounds and then meet him again (by accident of course) and he will bite his ass! :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. http://toomuchmachine.blogspot.com

    Coming soon.

    ReplyDelete
  4. don't worry,
    I'm sure you didn't look ugly.
    I hate going out now,
    incase I see people I know.
    they will see how fat I am,
    eugh, hope your okay,
    x.

    ReplyDelete
  5. dont worry sweetheart, most of the time when we think we are at our worst everyone thinks we still look amazing.
    im sure he was kicking himself in the ass for not having you still.
    xox

    ReplyDelete
  6. >.< I just had the gnarliest meeting with an ex, one who I'm still not over. It was at a party, I was so shitfaced, he had to carry me to the car I was riding in while bitching about how sucky at life I am. Ex boyfriends are so lame.
    Just try to knock his socks off, next time he sees you.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Don't be anonymous, leave a name at least so I can identify you back :)

Popular posts from this blog

With all my everlasting love, Goodbye...

Well, I got the job. I spent the last three weeks living and breathing the company and the role, preparing myself completely for the onslaught of interviews. Every spare moment pouring over economics textbooks, business journals and newspapers, paperbacks and online resources. I did everything I could to get that job. I sat on the train on my journey home with my eyes closed and sent my thoughts up to the sky please let me get it, please, please I start in 4 weeks, straight after I finish at the school. Right back in the centre of the City of London. where I belong . where I can thrive, work hard and play hard back to my best whatever that best is I got the call to say I'd been offered the job in the middle of my therapy session. I was overjoyed. My therapist congratulated me. We talked about the incredible progress I had made. We talked about the end... We decided that my last session will be the week before I start my new job. The sun was shining outside, I felt invin

Winning

A narrative of the last few days… So Friday was the big day. I went back to my university town for the Annual Dinner Night of my old society. All present members and all alumni – all my best friends, all my old lovers, and the place that made and broke my reputation. Thursday: all I ate all day were two sweets. And I only ate them because M offered them to me on two separate occasions in the library. (M – the law school guy I can’t stop myself from being besotted with.) I was convinced that I looked terrible that day so I hid in the library at law school during our break. I hadn’t seen M all week, but that day, I left my desk for two minutes and returned to find he had sat himself two seats away. I was mortified and pretended not to see him… although from that point on I found it impossible to concentrate on my books… He spoke to me first, and obviously when he offered me a sweet I couldn’t say no for fear of looking weird / seeming rude. Anyway, straight after my day at college was ov

Yes, I'm the great maintainer

So, a few days ago I declared that I was off to buy some laxatives to clear out my podgy belly. Took one. Nothing. Took two. Standard. Took three. And spent all day at work cramped over in severe pain and running to the loo every half hour. Oh my god did I curse myself. 8am to 5pm sat in an office, feeling like something inside me had collapsed. What I would give to go back to uni already and spend my days curled up under my duvet! I am sick of maintaining my weight. I'm working so hard on restricting my calorie intake and nothing is happening. Although I haven't exercised for like two weeks or something - maybe three. That's disgusting. I need to sort it out. I was a member of my gym at uni, and loved it. Now that I'm back home I can't get a gym membership anymore because my Mum believes in saving money over being healthy. She controls everything I spend and everything I do when I'm living with her. Working in an office with these long hours leaves me no time