So, this whole eating lunch at work in the canteen thing is actually working out pretty well.
There are always two options: a served hot meal (usually consisting of some sort of meat, potatoes, veg) or a cold salad buffet. I always have the cold salad of course, except that 80% of the options are either carbs (potatoes/pasta/rice) or drenched in salad creams, eughhhh. The only foods I take are raw cucumber, tomato, fish, mushrooms, peppers. I did try to have an egg or a piece of chicken in the salad last week, but just ended up feeling really full and uncomfortable, so I'm just sticking to raw veggies and a small bit of seafood this week.
Anyway, like I say, this enforced eating thing is actually working out well now that I've been able to find lots of safe foods to fill my plate with...well...half fill :) And absolutely no one has commented on it, so it seems like my years of experienced lying have paid off!
I have to say, the rigid routine is really doing wonders for me. I arrive at work at 8am, have lunch at 1pm, and by the time I get home at 7pm I have no excuse to eat because I know my day is over! Every time someone brings doughnuts round the office or offers me biscuits my snobby sense of pride kicks in an I look at them in disgust, "Oh God no!...thank you anyway...". I've always had an issue with eating around other people, just because whenever I see someone tucking into junk food I view them as weak and stupid, so I automatically think someone will think the same of me if they see me stuff my face - even with one tiny crumb.
...I'm not weak... I don't even think about food... it tastes of nothing....
Imagine if people knew the truth.
...Those dark evenings when I stuff myself with cereal and bread and biscuits galore and then get high off vomiting it all back up again.
Well, anyway, I don't want to think about that. This post is not about that. I'm settling into a happy, regular pattern of one salad a day and there are no thoughts in my mind of breaking this routine. It's working so well. I'm not hungry first thing in the morning because it's too early and my stupid pride won't let me eat more than a salad all day at work. The only danger time is in the evening when I get home. So far I've been able to just have a hot bath and go to bed with a book... but it has been hard... but I have to stay strong because I know that the second I allow myself even something tiny to eat, I won't stop. When I'm alone in my own kitchen with no one to see me, I know I'll stuff my face to kingdom come with as much sick junk that I can get my hands on.
But that's easy, just a few hours in my day in which I need to keep control, everything else is easy.
With this in mind, it's time to re-start the ABC... I'm on 300 calories from today, so, starting from today :) No margins for error, no excuses. No wild nights out, no alcohol, no stress, no uni work. This is all my time to concentrate on the plan and enjoy!
Hillary Clinton meme
9 months ago